“Why are you being so skeptical about yourself?”, “You have major self-esteem issues.”, “Get over all this uncertainty.”, “Have some level of confidence in yourself!” These are some of the many thoughts that play on repeat in my head every other day (the nights are the worst), especially when I face a situation which highlights and displays my weaknesses to the rest of the world (public display of affection is cool, public display of being nervous is not). Not one day goes by when I wake up in the morning with positive thoughts such as believing in myself and trying to give my best to everything that I do, but then I end up failing (sadly, because miserably is too mainstream) only due to the lack of self-confidence. And I am sure most of you think of these things too. Hence a search for self-confidence tips, right? Fine then, welcome to the club! Membership is free. Exiting, however, is a different battle to be fought, altogether.
Now that you are here to understand and analyze confidence building exercises, let me tell you something right away, DEVELOPING SELF-CONFIDENCE IS NOT A PIECE OF CAKE! It needs hard work. It needs you to be patient. It needs changing negative perceptions of weakness and nervousness which you have about yourself that might have been a result of certain events of failure. But, as we all know, change is not something that happens overnight, especially when it is positive and hard to achieve at the same time. Again, nobody said this was supposed to be easy, right?
Basically, you and your self- confidence are in a relationship with each other and just how every other relationship needs love, support and efforts, (it is a lot to ask for, but then we hoomans do not know compassion like doggos do) self-confidence too, needs you to love yourself, be supportive of yourself and put in all your efforts to be the best version of yourself. There may be times when you might feel like it isn’t working and everything you are working for is leading you towards failure, but that is when you love and support yourself even more.
Now, before you say that the loop of self-doubt does not just end by loving and supporting yourself and all those ‘smile more, think happy thoughts’ hacks do not work one bit, let me tell you, you are right, but only partly. It is very easy to say things that might help boost your confidence, but implementing the same things in our day-to-day life is where the real trouble begins. One has to adopt and adapt certain techniques in order to gain self- confidence. I have the ‘Accept – Enhance – Apply’ theory. It mainly implies that acknowledging our fear and weakness is the first step towards building, and, then finally implementing confidence in our life.
ACCEPT
“I am going to do my best and I am going to be the best version of myself.” No matter how many times we assure and then re-assure ourselves of doing our best, we sometimes, or most of the times actually, end up being average. Everyone feels like they are confident enough to do a certain task, it may be as trivial as asking someone out on a date, but, when the end results are disappointing (Ouch!) we perceive ourselves as stupid or not good enough (insert personality trait: Chandler Bing. Remember “Hi, I am Chandler, I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable.”?). But that is not the case. It is our weakness that comes out in the form of nervousness, which we never really accept, that overpowers our confidence. It is the acceptance of this weakness that helps us improve our self- confidence and inflicts a sense of courage in us for the future. A confident man’s real forte is that he not only identifies and embraces his weaknesses, but also uses them in his own stride as a factor of motivation.
ENHANCE
Success and self-confidence go hand in hand. But then again, self-confidence is the issue here and so the question of success or failure does not arise until the latter is achieved. As I mentioned earlier, self-confidence needs hard work. Hard work does not necessarily mean wearing our self out by doing things that might serve the purpose of positivity for others and discomfort for our own selves. Accepting our weakness paves the way for improvement. The scope of improvement depends and varies from person to person. Some feel that the little things like showing up well dressed for any event or at work, or seeking help from mediums such as books, podcasts or even just talking to someone who can impart tips for enhancing self-confidence might help them with a confidence boost; while some are of the view that pushing the boundaries and being a perfectionist in anything and everything that they do is the only way to go. But like I said, being comfortable in what you do is the most important aspect of building a strong sense of self-confidence. Also, this has to be a continuous process and not just temporary.
APPLY
Building self-confidence takes time. However, once you get in touch with your strengths and weaknesses and work towards improving your vulnerable side, the whole ‘exiting the club battle’ is half won. Now for the tougher part, (as if the first two steps were not difficult enough) using all that you have gained from embracing and bettering yourself in your day-to-day life is the final step. Once you are aware of everything, good or bad, positive or negative, about yourself, it becomes easier to imply all of that, not only to give your best but also to achieve your best.
Once you start practicing the accept – enhance – apply theory successfully, the level of confidence that you require in order to be good enough for yourself is achieved. Everything else then depends upon your attitude and how you work on your now reformed relationship with self-confidence. Reflecting on what you have gained while identifying your flaws and surpassing them will help you gain a positive outlook and in turn make you have faith and confidence in everything that you do.
Author: Shweta Singh
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